Limerence is an involuntary and unexpected, irrational, obsessive and incapacitating adoration and attachment to one person, the Limerent Object. It can be defined as “An involuntary potentially inspiring state of adoration and attachment to a limerent object involving intrusive and obsessive thoughts, feelings and behaviours, from euphoria to despair, contingent on perceived emotional reciprocation”. Limerence does not exclusively regard romantic attraction. It is likely to have biological foundations in attachment and attraction from the limbic system in the brain and may involve early attachment issues, personal circumstances and attributes, including conditions such as addiction.
“I think about her 24/7. I long for her. We are soulmates. But then when she and I are together my heart races, I can’t think, it is difficult for me to breath, let alone speak. If I should venture some words towards her I know I will talk too long, or too fast, or be too happy, or too awkward or too shy or just too this…. or too that….. It’s the most fab feeling and it’s the darkest place, it a roller coaster ride of euphoria or despair. I’m desperate to say what I feel, surely she feels it too. It’s a whole private world in my mind, just me and her. It has been this way for a while now, but I never will tell her because… it’s not love, it’s limerence”.
Limerence can cause havoc in peoples lives. Limerent Experiencers may conceal their own feelings, whilst also desperately trying to interpret signs of longed for emotional reciprocation from their Limerent Object. Some eventually disclose, but rarely will limerence go well. Limerence is a roller coaster ride with many episodes set to crash at some point since there is likely to be an emotional crossfire of mixed messages and confusion.
Some Limerent Objects manipulate, starve or reject their adorers. However it is posible for limerence to develop into friendships or other forms of companionship and even romantic bonding, though the way forward is likely to require hard inner work as Limerent Experiencers often need first to move towards self-love, forgiveness and acceptance.
“Love & Limerence: Harness the Limbicbrain” is an insightful book that expores aspects of limerence from the biological foundations to the psychological, social and philosophical aspects. The book describes the often painful experiences of limerence, as well as the beneficial effects such as the energy to improve health and physical appearance, together with the motivation to gain new knowledge and skills. For some a Limerent Experience becomes a life epiphany. The book includes the many self help paths through limerence and into the light of day.
To Limerent Experiencers past and present; know that you were never alone, that recovery is always an option and that the future is yours to craft.
Welcome & Our Very Best Wishes
Lynn & Evie